Mike Breen has identified 2 factors in discipleship (development of others into the image of Christ): invitation and challenge. Invitation carries with it hope, relationship, and being seen as a person worthy of investment. Challenge flows from invitation. Challenge can be calling up or calling out. Either way, challenge is most effective when rooted in the relationship of invitation.
We believe that bringing challenge is best done from the context of calling. Once we know a person’s calling (done by being with them, seeing who God created them to be, seeing their destiny and purpose – invitation); we will be welcomed to bring challenge. The other person will more likely hear the challenge in that context from the vantage of being seen – as having significance and impact. The challenge is then for their good, not just a slap on the hand!
Telling another they are not gifted for one assignment makes more sense when we can identify what assignments they ARE wired for! “Calling out” (challenges that originate in your love and belief) is still uncomfortable, but is actually living the “faithful are the wounds of a friend” proverb. If you are needing to move toward a challenge moment, the first step is to reflect and pray about the calling/ wiring/ giftedness in the other that does exist, so you can point to that as opposed to just “taking away.” The second step is to meet with the other to speak the calling/ wiring/ giftedness that you do see as important. Then take the step of challenge. What we know for sure is that when any relationship is more tilted to challenge than invitation, the likelihood of being heard is slim.