Here’s a vital point: Leaders will often find themselves in moments and even seasons of conflict. How we lead through the conflict can accelerate our leadership or limit our future!
On a scale of 1-10 how effective are you at leading through conflict? What are some skills you use to navigate hot moments?
When you think of conflict, what are some FEELINGS you experience (anxiety, fear, disappointment, hurt)?
As the Bible unfolds the Kingdom to us, giving us pictures of the Kingdom, conflict is very present! What do you do with that?
What would you say the Bible says about conflict moments? What scriptures would guide our thinking and behavior as spiritual leaders?
One key factor should grab our hearts. Leaders lead. When the conflict is hot and the stakes are high, leaders lead. Godly leaders lead by living scripture themselves first, choosing to forgive, choosing to follow the James 1 call to listen, choosing to believe the best about another person even if they are on the opposite side! Leaders lead. They do not gather forces. They do not create sides. They do not hide when others want to fight for them. They do not allow anyone else to take the fall. They do not shrink from leading with confessing and humility. They resist the moment of power. Godly leaders lead with godly (Biblical) behaviors and they do not wait, nor point to the lack of such actions in others. Leaders lead!!!
How do you understand the conflict in the Bible? When Paul and Barnabas end up in a sharp debate and separate who is in the right? Which one would you choose to follow?
One option in understanding conflict in the Bible is to declare that conflict is dark, and when we are given glimpses into conflict in the life of Paul or another person of God we are being shown their dark side.
Another option is have a view that conflict can propel us to a more significant future. That option would assume that conflict in and of itself is not laced with evil, but recognizes that how we handle conflict may, in fact, be a foothold for evil.
Which option has been your view? Why?
Observation: Many leaders believe that if those who are in conflict with them (conflicted against the leader) would leave the church, the church would be better off! That assumption is skewed! If we keep removing everyone and anyone who sees life different and holds that view, we will limit the move of God. Sure, some conflict will end up in division (Paul and Barnabas), but most should not!
What if conflict itself was not sinful, but our behavior in it could be? What if we could be angry but not sin? How would you do that?
Sometimes conflict can open the future otherwise not recognized.
What are some steps that can guide us in conflict moments?
Asking ourselves what are we doing to contribute to the moment? Where are we stuck? What do we need others to hear? What could they be saying I need to hear?
Pacing down the exchange to open up our eyes and ears to hear rather than getting our next statement ready! Choose to live the scripture in James 1, quick to hear, slow to speak which can result in slow to anger.
When the moment is hot, how can we ask open ended questions of those in the conflict?
Some questions might be:
What could move this toward resolve?
Why are the emotions so strong? (Is there something important I am missing that the answer to this question could reveal?)
Why am I feeling threatened? (This one requires self awareness, being in touch with what is going on deep inside our heart and soul).
Why am I so passionate?
What is the most powerful step I could make to move this to resolution? Why is that the most important step? Does that step require action on my part or others?
The inner work of a leader comes to the surface in seasons of conflict. Conflict can be how the Lord leads us to new discoveries, new appreciation for another or to anger, even bitterness that lasts a lifetime and holds us in captivity.
What is your next step that will prepare you to lead conflict better?