Conflict is unavoidable. In fact, it is often essential to moving us together into a synergistic future. When leaders are conflict allergic, when leaders handle conflict inappropriately, the opportunity of conflict becomes an obstacle.
One of the key factors of conflict is to have the conversation “outside of our chest.” That means we must avoid being “hooked” and emotionally overcommitted. Sure passion is acceptable, but when we are hooked, we amp up, move past the conversation about the content and respond personally; either out of our own hurt or hurt the other(s).
Leaders know that high stakes conversations must happen, are important and are essential. Leaders lead when they lead the conversation and keep their emotions under control. When emotions are high our ears close, we miss essential insights (verbal and non-verbal) and the end goal is most often lost.
Leaders do stay in hot conversations, but rather than responding to the heat, they turn it up! Leaders keep the content the focus and ignore the personal “you” statements others make or imply. Leaders know that the normal response to conflict is to shift the focus so that the one in the conversation will typically shift the focus back upon the leader. Refuse the bait! Don’t get hooked. Stay in the conversation and have it “outside of your chest”. (Don’t take it personally. Yes, it is a battle, but you can do it).
We need you to lead. Don’t lose your leadership by getting hooked. Do the inner work and prepare for hot conversations keeping the end goal in mind!